When your child can't say what they need yet

By Marco and Itzel, Chuki's parents ยท

When your child can't tell you what they need yet, a lot of the hard moments make sense. A child who is thirsty, needs the bathroom, or just wants a hug has the feeling and the need, but not the words to hand it to you. One thing that helps today is giving that child a button to tap that says the word out loud for them, so they can ask instead of being stuck with a need no one can see.

This is for any child who isn't talking yet or is talking late, not only autistic kids. Late talkers, children with a language delay, kids with Down syndrome, little ones who understand far more than they can say: all of them can be handed a voice for the basics while their own words are still coming.

Why "asking" matters more than "behaving"

When a young child melts down, it is easy to read it as a behavior problem. Often it is a communication gap. The child has a real need and no reliable way to get it across, so the body does the shouting that the mouth can't. The need was there first; the meltdown is what's left when there's no other way to ask.

That is why the goal isn't to make the big feelings stop. It's to give the need an earlier exit: a clear, low-effort way to say "water," "bathroom," "help," "break," "hug" before the frustration stacks up. A child who can ask has a tool they didn't have a minute ago.

Giving a child a way to point to pictures or tap a button that speaks is part of a broader approach called visual supports, which the National Clearinghouse on Autism Evidence and Practice named an evidence-based practice for autistic children and youth from birth to 22 in its 2020 review (afirm.fpg.unc.edu). Pictures give the words a place to live outside the child's mouth, where you can both see them.

Start with the handful of needs that come up every day

You don't need a board with a hundred buttons. Start with the needs that actually drive your hardest moments:

These five cover a huge share of everyday wants for a little one. Add yes and no so your child can answer you, not only ask. That's enough to change a lot of mornings.

How to teach a button, step by step

A button only becomes a voice if your child learns that pressing it *does something*. Here is how to make that connection clear:

  1. Model it yourself. When you hand your child water, tap the "water" button so it speaks, then give the water. You are showing that this button and this thing go together.
  2. Honor the tap every time, fast. When your child presses "water," give water right away, even if you were about to anyway. The lesson is: pressing this makes the thing happen. If the button sometimes works and sometimes doesn't, it stops being worth pressing.
  3. Pause and give them room. Notice the moments your child clearly wants something and wait a beat longer than feels comfortable, with the board in reach. That pause is the invitation to ask.
  4. Keep it where the need is. The "bathroom" button near the bathroom, the board at the table during meals. A voice your child can't reach isn't a voice.
  5. Never make them earn it. This isn't a reward. It's how they talk to you. Don't withhold the board or the hug to get a "better" try.

Go slowly, celebrate the first real tap, and resist the urge to crowd the board with more words before the first few are solid.

A quick word on what a speaking button does

A speaking button does one thing: it says the word your child taps, out loud, so you can hear what they're asking for. That's it, and that's a lot. It's a tool for right now, so your child has a way to be heard today. It isn't a replacement for your child's own voice or for their therapist's plan; it sits alongside both.

How Sol y Luna fits

We built the first version of Sol y Luna for our son Chuki, who is autistic, and he uses it every day on his iPad. Inside it is a board called "Quiero decir" ("I want to say"): your child taps a button and the tablet says it out loud. The buttons are exactly these: Water, Bathroom, Hug, Help, Break, Yes, No, Happy, Sad, Tired, Angry, What's next?, What time is it?, What's the weather?, and Are we going out today?

It's a tablet app that also works on phones, so your child sees the board on the screen you already have. The core board is free forever, it works without internet, and your child never sees an ad, in any version.

If your little one has a need but not the words for it yet, Sol y Luna gives them a way to ask for the basics while their own words keep coming. It isn't launched yet; we're finishing testing with Chuki now. Join the waitlist at solylunaapp.com/en and we'll tell you the day it's out.